Stepmom lashes out at stepdaughter for not naming their 5th child after her: 'She feels like I was disrespectful to her and her efforts to be a mother to me'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 13, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Baby names can be a great way to honor those you love or those who have passed. Think of all the times in TV shows when a couple symbolically names their child after someone who has helped them along the way. Not only is it a great storytelling device, but it's a nice real-life gesture. I'm named after both of my grandmothers, which was a nice way for both of my parents to get to honor their moms. 

But, of course, someone's feelings might get hurt. There's always someone who's left out of the naming that might feel a little slighted by their omission. But is this justifiable or not? This came up in the case of a large family that had a strong tradition of generation-honoring names. But one stepmom started to feel a little excluded. Read on for the story and decide if her angst was justified or not. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10372656384
    via Joshua Reddekopp
  • 02
    AITA for naming four of my kids names inspired by all four grandparents but not naming my fifth child for my stepmother?
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 03
    My husband and I have five children together. Our last baby was born 5 weeks ago. We chose to give our first four kids names inspired by their grandparents, our parents. Their names are not directly the same name as our parents but inspired by the person.
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 04
    Summer for our oldest, for my mom, whose name meant summer and was a summer baby, which our daughter is also Robin for our second, for my FIL, it's a play on his name AND Robin's are his favorite birds Luca for our third, for my MIL who always loved that name but felt it was similar to hers and
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 05
    didn't want to do that and she loves the name for a girl Phoenix for our forth child, for my dad and has a nickname in common with my dad's name and my dad always found Phoenix's cool lol
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 06
    For our youngest we ended up with a name inspired by my grandma and my husband's grandma. They had the same first name, sort of (both used the same name but one had a longer more formal name while the other had it as their given name)
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
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    which made it easier. My grandma was the woman I saw in a motherly capacity after my mom died while I was young so honoring her was special to me. But we wanted to give our kids their own names hence the way we chose to honor.
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 08
    The choice for our youngest child's name was controversial with my stepmother. She and my dad met when I was 8, married when I was 12 and my mom died when I was 6 for context. She saw me as her daughter for a long time but stopped seeing me that
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 09
    way mostly, when she realized I didn't return her affection in that way, because while I like her enough, I don't regard her as my mother figure and never ever considered calling her mom.
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 10
    I never considered honoring her with one of my kids' names. But this has upset her given our youngests name. Also the fact she has two kids with my father but both are disabled and won't be having their own children so she doesn't get to experience it like my dad did. She told me all of
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 11
    this and she expressed that she feels like I was disrespectful to her and her efforts to be a mother to me, efforts I always rejected but she feels I should have shown love and appreciation for in the naming of my children when all other parents were honored. AITA?
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 12
    Inevitable-Chest-143 2 hr. ago Nta for not naming your kid after her But you should reconsider how much effort you put into the relationship (and try to put in more). She clearly cares about you a lot. And you even remark how you don't put as much in. She's not your mom, she'll never be your mom, but she has been in your life for 20 years and for major life moments.
    via u/Inevitable-Chest-143
  • 13
    TotheWestIGO 2 hr. ago OPS stepmom wants to be recognized as a mom/mother figure and refuses to be accepted as less. So no OP doesn't need to put more energy into the relationship. Maybe if Stepmom just loved OP regardless things would be different. Just because you marry into an already made family doesn't mean you deserve the title mom or dad. NTA
    via u/TotheWestIGO
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    • SoImaRedditUserNow 2 hr. ago FRankly... I'm just sitting at NAH. N T A would imply that your stepmom is an and I'm just not getting that vibe. In your description, you don't describe her as anything but a decent person who tried to be some sort of mother figure. More importantly, you don't
    via u/SoImaRedditUserNow
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    describe her as someone who was wanting to erase your mother and step in as if nothing happened, declaring "I am your mother now". She sees all the grandparents being honored, and she views these kids as her grandkids.
    via u/SoImaRedditUserNow
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    This is all not to say you're the either (i.e. NAH). You name your kids how you name your kids, and based on what you wrote its not like you named the youngest honoring you and your husbands grandparents simply to spite stepmother.
    via u/SoImaRedditUserNow
  • 17
    I can understand her being hurt, and I can see your reasoning for naming your kids how you named them.
    via u/SoImaRedditUserNow
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    BulbasaurRanch - 3 hr. ago No, NTA Your kids, your decision what they will be named She's not your mother, you don't view her as such, and it's ridiculous she thinks she deserves this honour.
    via u/BulbasaurRanch
  • 19
    She can be upset about it, sure, but still is in no position to think you've done her wrong by not naming. your kid after her. You were not "disrespectful to her". That's ludicrous. This has nothing to do with her.
    via u/BulbasaurRanch
  • 20
    wxst3d 3 hr. ago Nta- it's your baby. Why is she getting upset about what you named your child? It's not really her place. She's weird for that...
    via u/wxst3d
  • 21
    Firm-Issue9616 OP 2 hr. ago She wants to be • recognized by me and my husband as one of the parents.
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 22
    . Significant-Meow · 2 hr. ago I understand her too, maybe she considers you a daughter, although the feeling is not mutual. BUT I don't understand why she asked you for this and why she made you feel guilty. It is your choice what name you give to your children, no one should ask you to name them after someone....
    via u/Significant-Meow

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